Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
