if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
