well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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