dude i'm inner monologue high
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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