one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
