The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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