What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You are a genius and a whore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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