did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
