Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
