I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
