He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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