I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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