i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I met the friendliest cop last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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