and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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