Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
