I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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