ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
