What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
