I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
