yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
