Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
