did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
