oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
