I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
