She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
