My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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