I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
