we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
