Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
