Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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