Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I want a musical about memes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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