he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
