She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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