I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
