Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
