Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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