Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
