he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
