How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
