brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
