I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
