Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
