he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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