I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
