I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
