you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
