Ketchup is God's man juice
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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