I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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We just shotgunned beers for America
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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