my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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