I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
