is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
