M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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