This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
