I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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