You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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