Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
