what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
