I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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