I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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