I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
