idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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