I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize