Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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