he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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