Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She bit a glass in half.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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