Whod you bang
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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