Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
