It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
