maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
