never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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