totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
