Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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