there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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