Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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