Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
