All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
