i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
