I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
